There is no self-respecting male creative type or wannebe creative type who has not tried growing a goatee (if he is not already the proud owner of one). Many have failed. Not because they lack the inspiration, the creative ability or the will power. But for the lack of good advice. Ampulets decided to conduct this interview with ourselves to reveal, once and for all, the secret to growing a healthy goatee.
Y(vonne): Hello, are you free? Can I ask you a few questions about your goatee.
J(ames): Can, I just finished doing my laundry.
Y: OK, good. I can't grow a goatee. Thank goodness. But can you tell me why and when you decided to grow one?
J: It's quite some time ago already. When I was in University.
Y: That's a very long time ago! And why?
J: Why? Er...could be...my ex. Oh oh. I think she suggested it.
Y: Oh......
J: No no, it was my decision.
Y: You sure?
J: Yes, yes, sure. It was to replace a moustache. Also I've always liked sideburns since I was young, all kinds.
Y: What a disappointing answer. Nothing to do with some latent creativity?
J: Yes, some of that too. It's an extension of my personality. Because I look like an ape. So anyone who grows one should think hard about how a goatee extends his personality. Not everyone will look good with one. Y: Yes, not everyone looks like an ape! But what makes a good goatee?
J: A good goatee is one that you feel good about when you look in the mirror everyday.
Y: That's a boring answer!
J: But it's true. A goatee is something you have to love and treat well. You must take care of it and cultivate it. For example, you shampoo your hair daily and wash your face. For a goatee, it's very important to trim it. Trim your goatee.
Y: OK, that's if you already have one. What if someone without a goatee wants to grow one?
J: Well, firstly, growing a goatee for Asians takes a lot of patience, unless you have very dark roots.
Y: Is chest hair a prerequisite?
J: Hmm...yes. [Probably looking pleased with himself] Having chest hair means you'll have higher chance of growing a good goatee. You must have a little bit of the goatee gift from God. Some people say that you have to shave more often -
Y: That's like the reverse-psychology strategy!
J: [Ignoring Y] Others say use XO. But I have my own secret way to grow and keep a goatee looking good.
Y: So what's the secret?
J: Sorry, I can't say. I will only share it with the folks who are very serious about growing a goatee.
Y: What? But I already promised at the start that you will tell!
J: Cannot. I don't think it's right for everyone who is not serious about it to try and grow a goatee. It's not right.
Y: Huh? My blog post how? Say something leh.
J: "Be patient" and "Just let it grow".
Y: ... Bye.
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