counting time

holiday dreaming

Friends have been asking me how's life been now that I am a student again. It seems indulgent to be saying this just two months after taking my year's leave from work and so soon after the trip to China, but I would like to have answered them "I need a holiday!".

In the two months, I've managed to squeeze out 3 papers (1 more in the writing) and, together with J, made 6 commissioned illustrations that will actually appear on real-world mediums and not this blog (hoorah!). It feels just as busy as when I was working, only that I'm in jeans and the time seems more like mine to manage. But all in all, my usual answer to friends (i.e. "it's been good") is no lie.

But I am also reminded that all this will come to an twelve months later. With this at the back of my mind, it become easy to grow selfish with time - and be lulled into thinking that it really is just your own. It becomes easy also to then take for granted the time spent with J, to begrudge the time spent taking a walk or cleaning the house or just being with someone. If time is thought of as a resource, stinginess and greediness are always tempting. But friends, if time is not really yours, does it make it easier to give it away more generously? If it is not a resource, but a rhythm, will we be less tempted to count it, measure it, "invest" it?